I don't know why. But every time we don't expect to win, we do.

Just like all of the hardships we counter during our cheers and chants, we still encountered them during our practices for the speech choir competition. We fight. We argue. But it's making the block's bond stronger. The more we encounter hardships, the more we become closer to each other.

During the competition, I can't help but to be scared. Scared that we won't be to perform it well since we made a lot of changes as our turn draws near. Scared that all of our hard work will be in vain.
That's what I thought as I watch the other blocks perform.

I am also embarrassed because of our audio visual presentation. I edited the video that's why I'm the person who embarrassed for it. None of my block mates saw it before it was presented in front of everyone. I was watching the avp of the other blocks and their videos are really short. When I edited ours, I made sure to make the video 4 mins long because I thought that was the required length. I am also embarrassed for it because of a reason I can't really explain. Maybe you'll understand where I'm coming from, if you have been in a similar situation.

During the awarding, I am trying to cover my ears when the champion is being called. Simply because we committed a lot of mistakes during the presentation and I don't want them to call the other block since this is something we really want. Not just because our grades is in line with this, but because we really worked hard for this. I can't imagine how I would react if it wasn't us who were called.

It was an honor. Especially when sir Deeno said that this is the first time that TM ever won the speech choir competition. That keeps ringing inside my head. I know that TM151 will continue in making name for the TM not to be underestimated.

When I was chosen as one of the competitors for the speech competition, I honestly felt joy but at the same time, I felt burden. It was an honor to be chosen as one of the great speakers out of the 33 TM, but I felt burden because we have a lot of projects that needs to be done and I don't think I have time to participate on the said competition.

As the competition draws near, I don't feel pressure at all. That's because I plan to get eliminated on the elimination round. I heard that they'll only pick 3 students per room and I also heard that AC Students are really good in public speaking. With that being said, there is a low percentage of me being picked for the final round because I know how horrible my public speaking skill is.

A day before the competition, everyone is memorizing and mastering their speeches. But I didn't. Even a little. I didn't attempt to memorize because I was planning to sabotage my performance because I don't want to prolong my agony. haha

During the day of the competition, my block mates are literally nervous and quite panicking, but I didn't. I don't have anything to be scared of because I have no plan on winning. If I commit mistakes, then that's better because that will create a bigger percentage of me being eliminated.  I just want to get things over with and start feeling the Christmas feels as the term ends.

As we move to the respective rooms we are assigned to, there are constant battles within my mind; Do I sabotage this or am I letting myself be embarrassed in front of everyone? One by one, everyone is being called to perform and so far, the people who have performed were holding a copy of their speeches in front. Then finally, my name was called. In the end, my pride couldn't let myself be embarrassed in front of the crowd. Just to get myself eliminated, I brought the copy of my speech in front. In the end, I didn't even glance at the paper and before I knew it, I think I did a pretty good job with my presentation even though I was planning to sabotage it and didn't prepare for it.

I knew it. I knew that I would be part of the 3 students that would be competing in the finals. I don't want to hear my name being called as one of the competitors, but I did. When my name was called, I felt honor and privilege to be part of the top 9. But as the final round start, I don't know what I would do. I wanna cry. I wanna forfeit. But I can't. When I saw my name as the first person who would speak in front, I felt the pressure even more. As a first  person, who would be talking in front, I would be one setting the standard and that thought scares me. But, the thought of failing in front of everyone and being a laughing stock scares me the most. Especially that this is the very first time that I would be on a big stage alone and I would be talking. I have been exposed in a crowd a lot during high school, but I would be on the stage with a lot of people and we would be singing, dancing and acting. Talking is different. I think it's the scariest to do in front of a crowd.

So, I performed. And as you can guess, since I didn't prepare for it, I failed,
But, that doesn't really matter right now. I am really happy for giving me a chance to be on the stage conquering my fear. After talking in front and failing, I believe I am more confident right now for I know what it is like to be in front of the big crowd and failing. Next time I would be ask to talk in front, I would definitely be still scared but not as scared as I felt during the Speech Competition.

Thank you, Asia Pacific College for giving me this opportunity. This is definitely one of the things that I will remember that made my college life noteworthy.